Sportsonista: The Grumpy Cat edition

No, I haven't given up blogging. I've just been in a sports slump all fall. College football was a disaster, college basketball's not looking much better, NHL has been out of commission, and the NBA sucks.

With that being said, let's ease on back to this, shall we?

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Last night was the National Championship between the University of Notre Dame and the University of Alabama. With his team down by 4 touchdowns headed into the half, Coach Brian Kelly delivered what may be the best interview ever:

"What do we need to do to get back in the game? Hope that Alabama doesn't come out of the locker room in the second half."

Well played, sir. Well played.

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Because the game was...shall we say...a bit boring, the cameramen had to find other things to focus on. Mainly 'Bama QB AJ McCarron's girlfriend, and Miss Alabama USA, Katherine Webb. Apparently I'm the only one who doesn't think she's, as my stepdad put it, an "eleven out of ten". Regardless, if they had panned to her and found Johnny "Heisman" "Football" Manziel sitting next to her, I might have peed myself.

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On Sunday, it was announced that the NHL Hockey lockout had ended. Celebrations were held across the country. Most notable were the fans in Columbus, who took to the streets to rejoice the return of their beloved Blue Jackets.

Courtesy of NHL_Problems for the photo and the joke.
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And honestly, folks, that's all I've got. Opening Day is 83 days. Praise Jesus.


Images provided by bleacherreport, bostonglobe, and larrybrownsports.

It's the The Great Implosion, Charlie Brown

This week is one of my favorites. It's the stretch before Halloween, which means I'm busy finishing up my costume, carving pumpkins, jumping in leaf piles, and watching any and all scary-related programming on TV.

And on this past Saturday night, I got a front-row, first hand seat to one of the scariest things I've seen in a while: the implosion of the WVU football team.

That's not a happy face

Just two short weeks ago, after a brilliant victory in Austin over the Texas Longhorns, Mountaineer fans were riding an extreme high. Our team was ranked #5 in the country, and our quarterback was seemingly a shoo-in for the Heisman trophy. Although our defense was...shall we say, shaky?!?....our offense was lighting up the sky with an air raid that was as exciting to watch as it was automatic to count on.

Then Texas Tech happened. In horror, we watched as the Red Raiders manhandled our squad like a bunch of Pop Warner league school children. To make matters worse, rumors of the Mountaineers' arrogance and attitude swirled faster than Coach Dana Holgorsen's hair in the blistering Texas wind.

"An anomaly," I thought. "They have those games every year. I bet they'll come back next week at home with a vengeance." So I didn't worry too much. Sure, that loss was unfortunate, but it wasn't devastating by any means. A win over #4 Kansas State would put us right back in the driver's seat.

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When all was said and done this past Saturday evening, the carnage was like something out of a George Romero movie. I'll spare everyone the awful details, only to say that the final box score read:  K-State- 52, WVU- 14.

And after that travesty, it was time to face facts: WVU is in full implosion mode.

Why? What the hell has happened in the past two weeks to make things go downhill so, so terribly fast?

Well, for starters, the defense is clearly well past shaky. They suck, pure and simple. According to the coaches, it's not the schemes being run...it's the players. Alright, I'll buy the fact that we don't seem to have personnel that can cover any pass deeper than two yards. However, if the coaches know that to be the case, isn't there something they can do to "dumb" down the coverage? Or maybe tell their guys to at least be in front a receiver, not behind him, when a ball is being thrown down the sidelines?

But we all knew the defense wasn't going to win any awards, and having the best two defensive players out in Will Clarke and Broderick Jenkins isn't helping. The TRULY frightening thing is what's happened to the offense, and more specifically, Geno Smith. The Heisman leader has looked anything but the last two games, leading this sportsonista to believe something is going on with him mentally or emotionally.

When asked what the issues were with the offense following Saturday's slaughter, Holgorsen snidely commented, "We've put up hundreds of yards of offense. I didn't suddenly forget how to coach."

So, then Holgs...what, exactly, is the problem? Is not having Shawne Alston as an extra back finally taking its toll? Is it Stedman Bailey's sparse play the last two games? Did Geno buy too much into his Heisman hype?

All I can say is, I'm glad the team has a week off to work out their issues. Because if something isn't turned around, and fast, it's going to be a longggggggggggg rest of the season.



Image provided by espn. 

Take Me to the Promised (Grant)land

Bill Simmons is my idol.

The way young girls worship Justin Beiber? The way ultra-Republicans pant over Rush Limbaugh? That's how I feel about Bill Simmons.

Mr. "Sports Guy" himself is the reason I wanted to start a sports blog. He's like if a sports encyclopedia mated with Conan O'Brien (or someone equally as funny). His pithy, witty sports columns are all that I strive (and, probably mostly, fail) to be.

Our relationship started out fairly breezy, as my friend Leah would say. I would occasionally take a gander over to ESPN.com to catch a Sports Guy column...mostly mail bags, but also a feature piece or two.

Then came his "Bill Simmons Goes to Vegas" piece (read part 1 and part 2 here). I read it until I cried. I made my parents read it. I told the world about it. I was that annoying person who would refer to Simmons as if we brunched every weekend and then, when people would give me dumb looks, would incredulously say, "You don't know who Bill Simmons IS?"

It was probably at that moment that I went past "breezy" to full-fledged obsessed.

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Last year, Simmons branched out from his ESPN gig to create a safe environment for other hilarious sports-minded writers like himself.

I'm still waiting for my invite to join the staff, BTW.

Thus, Grantland was born. And it was glorious.

But, I didn't visit as often as I should. Not even when Mark Titus of "Club Trillion" (a Bill Simmons prodigy and former walk-on for the Ohio State Buckeye basketball team) joined the ranks.

If you've never heard of Mark Titus, please read his "Love in an Elevator" blog post. You're welcome.

Anyhoo, I think it was the narcissist in me. Or the lazy in me. Either way, I didn't want to be influenced by the awesomeness that I would find on the site. I needed to keep a sense of self in my own blog, even if that sense was totally inferior.

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About now, you may be asking yourself...why the hell is she telling me this? Is the sports-o-nista that hard up for topics that she's rambling about other sports blogs?

Well, yes, partly. But mostly because as of late, Grantland has been focusing on one particular topic near and dear to my heart: WVU.

It started last Friday with a blurb about current Heisman front-runner Geno Smith. I promptly shared on my facebook page, then spent the entire weekend asking people if they had seen it. When they responded "No", I would make them listen as I read it aloud.

And then Tuesday, this post appeared. Anything that likened Head Coach Dana Holgorsen's hair to being ravaged by a family of vengeful squirrels was alright in my book. I mean seriously, can you imagine?

I guess what I'm trying to say is this....Bill Simmons already had my heart. But now that Grantland has made my Mountaineers their go-to topic of choice? My obsession has been reinforced, reinvigorated, and revitalized.

So, thank you Bill Simmons. Thank you Grantland. I was never good at "breezy" anyway.


Images provided by sportsjournalists, profile, and kwc.

The Replacements

As Edward O'Neil, played by the talented Jack Warden, so eloquently stated in the very hilarious football movie The Replacements, we've all  "seen monkey-shit fights at the zoo that are more organized than this." 

"This", of course, refers to the disaster that is currently the NFL replacement refs. 

Seems Legit

The regular men in stripes, who before the season were locked out by the league over union disputes involving pay and pensions, have always been the focus of fan hatred.

"WHAT THE F*&*&* was that ref? Get off your knees, you're blowing the game!" is the battle cry that has echoed throughout stadiums since the dawn of organized sport.

But now? Now those beloved officials and their "expertise" have probably never been as sorely missed.

Exhibit A: Monday night's game between the Seattle Seahawks and the Green Bay Packers.

With the 'Hawks down 12-7 and facing a 4th and 10, QB Russell Wilson heaved up a Hail Mary pass that was intercepted by Packer Safety M.D. Jennings. Once Jennings fell to the ground, Seattle Receiver Golden Tate grabbed onto the ball. 

The result was one ref signaling an interception and one signaling a touchdown. Simultaneously. 

After a ten minute debate in which both teams cleared the field, the "ruling" on the field was indeed a touchdown. 

Except, you know, it wasn't. 

But let's be fair..."real" refs have blown calls too. Remember in 1990 when Colorado came from behind to beat Missouri 33-31, all thanks to a "fifth down"? Remember in 1999 when the Thanksgiving game between the Steelers and Lions went into OT, Jerome Bettis called "tails" but ref Phil Luckett heard "heads", and the Lions "won" the coin toss and ultimately the game? Or how about when the phantom offensive pass interference call against Darrell Jackson took points off the board for Seattle in Super Bowl XL, thus giving the Lombardi trophy to the Pittsburgh Steelers?

So, refs blowing calls? Not anything new. It's just that these replacements are going beyond an occasional miss to out and out ridiculousness. Ignorance of rules, confusion over downs, not sure where the ball should actually be placed...all things that have become the norm these past few weeks. 

Perhaps my favorite outlook on this was a story done by Deadspin, who tongue-in-cheekly suggested that these scabs were intentionally sabotaging games. You know...just cause they can.

It's like the Three Stooges meets the NFL. While it's sometimes so mindblowingly terrible that it's funny, eventually the players safety and the integrity of the games is going to be sorely affected. And that moment might have already arrived.
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Weigh in on the referee sitch. Should the NFL and Roger Goodell suck it up? Should the players go back on strike? Let me know!

Image provided by www.whatdoumeme.com.

You Say (Flying) To-MAY-to, I Say Jail Bird

I debated whether or not to post on the Shaun White arrest because I like to keep things classy and professional on this blog.

Oh honey, that's not a good look for you.

LOL just kidding...this is tres good shit, non?

Yes, Mr. Shaun White...everyone's favorite snowboarder and most-liked carrot top since Lucille Ball....has done a 840 and landed solidly in a crap load of trouble. The boarder got arrested in Nashville early Sunday morning for vandalism and public intoxication.

Oops.

Apparently White went a little overboard on a family and friends celebration and decided to pull a fire alarm at the Vanderbilt Hotel...clearly a celebratory party foul. Further proving that the kid had a littttle too much to drink, White chose not to sign misdeamnor citations, which would have kept him out of the slammer.

AND, Shaun is no stranger to unruly behavior as it applies to fire safety. He was also cited in 2007 for destroying a fire extinguisher in a Breckenridge, CO hotel. For his part, White issued a "mea culpa", blaming his poor decisions on the fact that he merely got "carried away".

Carried away by the Po Po, ammiright? 

At least White has company. Last night, right after their win over the Denver Broncos, Atlanta Falcons running back Michael Turner was also arrested for drunk and reckless driving.


Look, I don't know exactly what's going on in the south these days...maybe they're staging a late protest over the World's Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party going dry, or maybe it's just the heat, but seriously....let's lighten up on the boozing shall we? It will save everyone a lot of trouble and really embarrassing mug shots.

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Want to weigh in on the latest pro athletes to cross paths with the law? Hit me up and let me know!

Image provided by gossipcenter. 

A Brit in King Arthur's Court

Cue up Celine Dion, 'cause Andy Murray is on top of the world. 

It was just merely a month ago that the young Brit defeated Roger Federer to win the Olympic Gold Medal at his home court of Wimbledon. Now, Murray can add one more title to his resume: US Open Champ.

On Monday, after being delayed by rain deluges, Murray flew high once again....this time taking down Novak Djokovic at the legendary Arthur Ashe stadium in New York. His win also broke a 76 year old streak of Great Britain being sans a Grand Slam title winner.

Pretty impressive for a guy who seemed to be always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Straight set losses in 2008 to Roger Federer at the US Open, the 2010 Australian Open, and at 2012 Wimbledon, combined with the loss to Djokovic in 2011 at the Australian Open, had left Murray feeling a little like an outsider looking in at the grand world of a Grand Slam title.

Then came London in August of 2012.

Maybe Princess Catherine sent her fairy godmother to help a brother out. Maybe Murray's gorg girlfriend Kim Sears has been cooking him better food. All I know is, the Brit is on a roll.

Plus? I like listening to him talk. Like all freaking day.

So kudos Andy Murray. In a country that has a long history of royalty, you are more than apt to become the next king of tennis.

 Image provided by telegraph.co.uk.

Football Fashion Police...Pt. 3

It's here guys...the 2012-13 edition of the Football Fashion Police. I'd like to say that uniform design is getting better, but let's be honest...it's getting more outrageously hideous with each passing year. And I LUV it. So without further ado, let's check out the madness shall we?

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DON'T make your uniform look like something out of the periodic table. If I wanted to be in chemistry class, I wouldn't be at a football game.

Nebraska and Wisconsin...H..2...hell no.

DO make military crispness a fashion statement, like our friends from the Air Force. These clean and neat unis are spectacular.

Love these. Love the stripe, love the lightning bolt, love it all.

DON'T try to make "Flomo" happen, Gretchen Wieners! It's not fetch, ok???? Flomo, for those of you who are unaware, is this fall's trend of mixing cammo and floral, as it seems our brethren from Wyoming are trying to do. Just...ew.

The cows aren't going to fall for that disguise, and neither are we.

DO make a uniform that people like moi will lust after. Seriously, I'm LUSTING. Well done, Utah State, well done.

DON'T forget that horizontal stripes aren't necessarily a flattering fashion choice. I saw these beauties when Northwestern played against Syracuse this weekend, and they are as hideous in play as they are in theory. It's a little better in the darker shades, but not by much.

I feel your pain #12. I'd be asking "Why God, Why?" too.

DO realize that after a disastrous attempt at cool uniforms in 2011, you can really only go up. Kudos Maryland for not being nearly as hideous as last year.  I have a feeling that may be the only bright spot in your season, judging by your game against William and Mary.

Anything beats that seizure producing helmet and turtle shell pattern.

And in a category I like to call "I honestly have no idea"....

The Virginia Tech 2012-13 Helmets

I personally think the turkey tracks are cool, but the cammo helmet is ridiculously stupid. So....yeah.

Let me know what you think about this year's dos and don'ts. Anyone I missed? What about Penn State having their names on their jerseys for the first time? Hit me up!

Images provided by tucsoncitizen, sportsgrid, gazetteafasports, lostlettermen, helmetgame, cbssports and gamedayr.