Friday, November 11, 2011

Anything Beats Pulling Tarp....

At the WVU/Louisville game on Saturday, there happened to be two gentlemen behind me who....if I'm being honest....were super annoying. They kept a constant stream of analysis, criticism, and just plain weird conversation going throughout the entire game. But, since I've been in their shoes, I tried to tune it out.

Here's to you, TV time out guy.

Amidst the tuning out, however, I caught a nugget of banter that made me giggle. During a break in play, the men proceeded to point out that the TV "time out" guy might be the easiest job in sports, and perhaps the easiest job ever.

I mean, let's look at the job's qualifications.

  1. Can you stand for multiple minutes at a time?
  2. Can you wear red?
  3. Can you hear?
If you answered yes to the above, you're pretty much good to go.

That got me to thinking...there are some pretty non-taxing, non-skilled jobs in a field that is all about exertion, talent, and physicality. So if you're looking for a new career path that won't require schooling, training, or any sort of intelligence, here are some options for you:

The Sweat-Wiper-Upper

He's the guy who gets to mop up the basketball court when the condensation of blood, sweat and tears gets to be too dangerous for the players. Sure, it may not be very glamorous, and at times may be even gross. But if you can move a mop and follow directions, you're in.

The Number Flipper on the Chain Crew

Like the TV time-out guy, the number flipper is required to stand for lengthy periods of time. Also required? Holding a pole and counting to four.

The Goal Box Watcher and the Penalty Box Attendant

Honestly, both of these are pretty sweet gigs to have if you're into hockey. The Goal Box Watcher gets his own personal seat on the front row, and occasionally he has to flip on a red light (good eyesight is probably a necessity, though).

Meanwhile, the Penalty Box Attendant gets paid to basically babysit grown men for two minutes at a time. Yep, the main function of this job is to make sure penalized players don't leave the box. I wonder if they've ever had to tackle someone to enforce this.

And finally......

The First Base Coach

Let's be real...the first base coach in baseball is little more than a glorified cheerleader/equipment manager. While the 3rd base coach has to make tough decisions that will impact the game outcome, the first base coach gets to dole out high fives, butt slaps, and witty banter.

Sure, they have to take batting helmets, mouth guards, shin guards, and other paraphernalia away from the base runner, but the six figure salary is probably way worth that.

So sports fans....what did you think of the list? Was there anything I missed? Did you, like me, realize you're totally qualified to coach first base in the MLB? Let me know!

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