The Sports-o-Nista: July 2012

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

XXX

It's finally here. The London Games! The 30th Olympiad! The sporting event that pre-empts every other TV show!

It's been a while since we've last met, but the Olympics are a special occasion. Ergo, I thought I'd bring you a special live blog of the Opening Ceremonies...5 days later. You know, just like NBC. Now, this may not make any sense if you didn't watch the ceremony Friday night, but that's not my problem, mmkay?

Enjoy!

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Initial thought....are they just going to do everything on grass? 'Cause that's both lazy and weird. Pastoral, but weird.

Oh no wait...there goes the grass. Whew.

The 2012 games are brought to you by Danny Boyle's 5th Grade diorama.

Ahh, look. There's Kenneth Branagh. How much do I love him? (answer...a lot). I'm now explaining who exactly he is to my stepdad, though. Sure, he's no Mr. Bean, but he played a mean Hamlet.

Moving on to the industrial revolution....they're now forging a ring with lots of fire and smoke. There's surely a Tolkien joke in here somewhere, but I'm not in the mood to think of it.

In a land called Mordor...far, far away...

Hold up now...is this Daniel Craig aka James Bond? Why, yes it is! Someone British I adore even MORE than Kenneth Branagh. No explanation required on this one. And wait for it...he's with THE QUEEN!!!! HRH!!!! They are so their own Dream Team. As I'm watching them load into this helicopter and "jump" out of it to make their grand entrance, I'm struck by the thought that I had no idea the Queen was such a great sport. I guess everyone wants to be a Bond girl.

Words cannot even express...

We're about an hour or so into this, and I'm beginning to wonder when Harry Potter will make an entrance. Someone on Twitter remarked that Harry would be lighting the Olympic cauldron with his wand. Now THAT would be amazing.

We've moved on to a tribute somehow incorporating British children's lit and the health care system. Okkkk then. Looks to me like just a bunch of kids sharing a gurney. Do you really have to share beds as part of Great Britain's health care? Cuz they might want to re-think that.

As the kids fall asleep into some sort of nightmarish world (because you know you're not having good dreams with little Tommy kicking you from the foot of the bed), blow-up villians from famous books appear. Among them, a blow-up Voldemort (Yay Harry Potter!). Now all we need is a Roald Dahl giant peach rolling kids over Indiana Jones-style and we're all set. PS...the ginormous baby at the end of this sequence was BY FAR the scariest thing. *Shudder*

*Insert Mr. Bean/Rowan Atkinson/Chariots of Fire skit here*

Some sort of MTV on crack portion is happening now. I have no idea what's going on, other than Meredith Viera is singing like she's in her shower and not broadcasting an event watched by billions. I'd say this would be the most awkward thing of the entire evening, but it's not.

I immensely enjoy the Bowie homage, but am thoroughly confused by the London rapper. They have those? I thought Great Britain just shipped in Kanye when they wanted rap. Also? Who else thought that Prince Harry should have been in the middle of that house party, doing some sort of keg stand. No? Just me?

Oh hayyyyy the Parade of Nations is finally starting. Let the inappropriate and insensitve comments commence!

First up, Bob Costas makes a pretty funny badminton joke (not funny enough for me to recount here, but funny). Apparently Denmark is the most competitive non-Asian country in badminton. Huh, how bout that.

Five hours later, I'm trying to get over my appalled horror at the Ugly Betty inspired Mexican outfits when I hear Costas refer to the genocide in Rwanda as "the trouble they had in the 90s". Yes Bob, that would be one way of putting it. Thank goodness they've gotten past that though, right? Genocide really brings down a party.

And.....I'm drifting off....zzzzzz....OH THE USA! I mean, can't we just go by America? That would make this thing so much easier to watch. I love that LeBron is surrounded by some white dudes who are not-so-subtly trying to get him their camera shots. Everyone loves a winner.

Great Britain has entered, which means we're just one cauldron lighting away from being done this ten hour broadcast. Now usually this is some top-secret "Winston Churchill is rising from the dead to light it with a cigar" kind of thing, but nope. The British showcase a bunch of nobody teenagers who may or may not succeed in sports one day. The multi-petaled fire thingy is super cool though.

YAY! The torch is lit, the Queen has declared the Games open, and Sir Paul McCartney is leading everyone in Hey, Jude. This party is officially started.

Welcome to London, ya'll!

Images provided by usatoday, csmonitor, coventrytelegraph, and popwatch.ew.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Let the Controversy Begin!

Guys, the Olympics are just around the corner and already the drama is in high gear. No, a Russian judge hasn't gone rogue and started handing out threes for artistic merit, and a South Korean coach/official hasn't complained yet.

I'm talking about something much more serious....fashion ya'll.

Last week the USA Olympic team opening ceremony outfits were unveiled to the national public. American Designer and icon Ralph Lauren was pegged to create the ensembles, which are supposedly a throwback to the 1940s (30s? 20s? I don't know which one, but it's a low decade definitely).

Before I get into the real outcry, can we discuss the actual outfit for a sec? I love the blazers, the pleated skirts, the jaunty ascot-like scarf, and even the beret. But Ralph, seriously....what the heck is going on with the women's footwear???? Are they wearing orthopedic shoes? Saddle shoes and anklets? I mean, I kinda adore the high-heeled booties in the drawing, but the real life depiction....(shudder).

Anyhoo, it's possible these outfits won't even make it to the main stage in London due to the fact that they're not American-made. Yes, these lovely uniforms were harvested from China, causing uproars of epic proportions.

Ok, look...I get it. But honestly, chill out. Here's why having Chinese-crafted uniforms are actually perfect:

A) The Olympics are all about bringing nationalities together. Multicultural awareness and all that. What better way to do so then to outsource our products?

B) Is there really anything more American these days than something made in China? It's like tradition. It's free trade and cheaper labor and angels smiles all rolled into one.

So please, people. Save your hurt feelings for when it really counts, like when Lance Armstrong ultimately gets drug-tested for the 10 millionth time or the USA Men's basketball team does something stupid, like lose to Hungary.

And if you, like me, could care less about where the uniforms were made, you can get your own official gear. Or you can let me know what you think about the Chinese-made clothes or just the outfit itself.

Otherwise, I'll see you in London in 9 days!

Image provided by instyle.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Beating the Heat

My friend Leah and I attended the Pirates/Giants baseball game this past Saturday in Pittsburgh. With temperatures well in the 100s, we were both dreading sitting out in the blazing sun for the afternoon. Thus was born Operation: Don't Die of Heat Stroke. Part of that was sitting in an air-conditioned restaurant for the first few innings. The other part was a carefully planned outfit to maximize comfort for even the hottest of summer sporting events:

Plain White T-Shirt

Lightweight Bright Denim Cutoffs

Neutral Strappy Sandals

Straw Fedora

and of course, the ultimate accessory:

Misting Fan

These misting fans saved our lives. Sure, your fellow fans might be a little jealous, but hey...it's called Darwinism people. Only the strong survive.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

The Choice: The Prince or the Rose

Last night I was faced with what can only be described as my own personal Sophie's Choice. Should I watch the fantasy date episode on The Bachelorette, or should I tune into the 2012 Home Run Derby? The evil TV gods had scheduled both for the same time slot, and I was torn.

So I did what any self-respecting sportsonista would do: I switched back and forth between both. And while I won't bore you with details of The Bachelorette, I will share some thoughts on the Derby.

Confession time... I didn't catch most of the first round, but of course, the HR Derby wouldn't be anything without some drama. The initial round was chock full of it. Andrew McCutchen getting overshadowed by the Josh Hamilton interview, captains Matt Kemp and Robbie Cano combining for ONE blast, and last years champ Cano getting lustily booed by the KC fans. And by lustily, I mean booed past the point of good-natured rivalry into the territory of awkward panda. Of course, Cano took to twitter to retaliate:

It's the second round, however, where shiz got real. How fantastic was the George Brett interview and his subsequent delivery of ribs to John Kruk? Umm pretty damn fantastic. But I guess that's what being an "ambassador" of the All-Star Game does...has greasy, messy food delivered to the broadcast crew. Well played, sir.

Side note...did you know both Brett and Kruk are from WV? Me either.

Anyway, to recap the second: the kid Mark Trumbo was crushing them out of the park, threatening to put holes in the outfield wall. Trumbo was a questionable pick, but he provided some Josh Hamilton excitement to the contest. Meanwhile, Prince Fielder got über friendly with the outfield fountains, securing a spot for the championship after barely eking into the second round. First round leader Jose Bautista only needed three homers to make it into the finals, but with one out left and only two blasts recorded, the drama (as Chris Berman surmised) was on. Bautista sent it into a swing off with Trumbo, but knocked two out to advance against Fielder. Oh the drama!

To the finals we go....

Fielder went first, and by his sixth home run, I was almost convinced Bautista was going to just call it a day. But he didn't, and the Prince hit for an impressive 12-run third round, tying Cano's record set last year. For his part, Bautista put up a good fight and recorded 7 dingers, but in the end it just wasn't enough.

The Prince was King in last night's Derby

Prince Fielder became just the second player to win two Home Run Derbies (Ken Griffey Jr. is the other), and the FIRST to win it as a National and American League player. He also won both of his titles in the state of Missouri (taking the title in St. Louis in 2009), proving that he takes the Show Me State motto to heart.

And so, with that another Home Run Derby contest concluded. It wasn't the most epic battle we've ever seen, but it had ups, downs, and yes Chris Berman, it had drama.

Just like the Bachelorette.

Images provided by orioleshangout and bleacherreport.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Fashionable Fourth

Happy 4th of July everyone! This is perhaps one of my favorite holidays to rock
some cute fashion. The hot weather dictates that comfort is key: boat shoes, mini skirts, lightweight material, and of course, vibrant shades of red, white and blue.