Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Football Fashion Police Pt. 4

Yay! Football is back. How many of us were très bored these past few months? I know I was, because summer is kinda yawn city in sports, ammiright?

Anyway, this weekend college football came back in full swing. More exciting than the debut of FSU quarterback Jameis Winston (ridiculous....that kid is ridiculous), more exciting than the now-traditional FCS upsets, and more exciting than drinking beer before noon sans judgement is the debut of new uniforms for the season. Some are awesome. Some are awesomely horrific. So let's dive in for this third edition of a football fashion police, shall we????


DO just update a classic color scheme and make it modern with muted tones like the Cal Bears. Plus, the bear watermark is like totes symbolic of playing with a bear mentality or some shit like that.


DON'T have your uniforms be so garish that a person trying to enjoy their shrimp and grits on a Sunday afternoon keeps looking at the TV in horror. Yes Florida A&M Rattlers, I'm talking to you. 




DO go shiny with the season's new helmet of choice: chrome. The Baylor Bears are rocking some fantastical new helmets in their dark uni scheme, and I heart it. 




DON'T go with helmets that look like a kindergartner just scribbled on them during coloring time ala Miami of Ohio Redhawks. Saturdays aren't "Take your favorite five year old to work" day, mmmkay?



DO take a bold color and go classic. Sadly, I won't be in attendance in two weeks to see the Georgia State Panthers take on my Mountaineers, because I'd love to see these beauties in person.




DON'T take bold color and go head to toe if it's going to burn people's eyes out. Oregon State, what were you thinking? That's a LOT of orange.




DO make up for having a hideous head-to-toe uni in bright orange by having a gorg uniform in white and black with an orange accent. Well done, OSU, well done.


and finally, DON'T, and I mean for the love of God DON'T, let Flo Rida come anywhere near your uniform designs. Otherwise, you'll end up with a Native American sprawled across your crotch like these poor poor boys from Carol City High School



What uniforms have impressed you so far that I left off the list? TCU? North Carolina? Oregon? Which ones have you screaming for the hills? Let me know! And if you want more delicious uniform monstrosities, check out the Football Fashion Police parts 1 and 2 here!

2 comments:

Robert Greg Shaw said...

Do mascot uniforms get into the discussion? The Poca Dots!
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/highschool-prep-rally/west-virginia-no-topping-poca-dots-000552644.html

Jennine Stalder said...

Funny post! Personally I like my uniform simple, like a dark color with a white number on the side. Nothing too fancy as it detracts the attention from the game. The one worn by the Georgia State Panthers is my favorite among the ones you showed.

Jennine Stalder @ UESports.com

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