Friday, August 19, 2011

An Open Letter to the NCAA...

Dear NCAA,

How's Indianapolis? I hear the weather's nice up there this time of year. Actually, I haven't heard that, because I don't follow weather patterns in Indiana that much. But I'm sure it's way nicer now than say....December. Right?

Anyhoo, I know you have your hands full right now with...shall we say...some problem children. Although, look at the bright side- you'll be racking up major frequent flier points in all those cross-country excursions from Oregon to Alabama to Miami (layover in Columbus, OH optional, of course).

But that's not why I'm writing. You see, I'm a little concerned with all the wheeling and dealing as it concerns conference re-alignment. First, Colorado left the Big 12 for the Pac-10. Then Nebraska departed for the Big 10. Utah decided to come over from the Mountain West to form the Pac-12. Boise St. then took their place in the Mountain West. And TCU has said they're coming over to join yours truly's alma mater in the Big East.


As crazy as all that was, I thought things had settled. But I guess I was wrong.

I, wrong? Hard to believe. But it happens now and again.

Of course, I blame this whole thing on Texas. Well, Texas and TV, but TV and I are in a pretty monogamous relationship, so I'm definitely placing the blame on Texas. See, Texas having its own TV station (creativley named the Longhorn Network) has made little brother Texas A&M green with burnt orange envy.

Of course, envy and intelligence aren't necessarily related (in fact, in most cases they're mutually exclusive). The Aggies want to take their game to the SEC. Why? I don't know. If you can't hang in the Big 12, why would you want to move to the toughest conference in the country?

I heard the SEC politely offered a "Bless Your Heart" to Texas A&M upon hearing this request. As we all know, "Bless Your Heart" in southern speak means "Oh, aren't you a naive train wreck that we want no part of". But A&M didn't seem to get the message.

And let's be real, if that happens, all hell is going to break loose. Kansas might join up with the Big Ten (Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen...whatever they are now). Missouri still is waiting to join up as well. It's rumored that Vandy might depart to the ACC, which will in turn have to create 3 divisions. WVU has even been linked with its ACC, SEC and Big 12 counterparts. That is, if the Big 12 is still around.

Cause, like the "U", it might be facing a death penalty.

So what's the dealio? Maybe we should just draw a cross and divide the country into four parts. Or heck, if you think that's not gonna cut it, the Mason-Dixon line is a good place to split.

Don't be ridiculous, you might be saying. Well, this re-alignment is ridiculous. Does no one have loyalty anymore to old rivalries? Is it really ALL about money?

Ok, let's talk about money. Forget football and men's basketball for a minute. How is a lacrosse team from Texas going to find money to travel to South Carolina on a regular basis? That's over a 1000 miles, in case you didn't know. A little long for a bus trip, dontcha think?

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read my letter. I promise no athletes were paid off in the making of it.

Oh, and one more thing. If you're out and about in Indy, and you happen to see Pat McAfee swimming in a river again, just give him a towel and call him a cab. He's a good soul.


Hugs and Kisses,


Anonymous said...

I see you have joined Ben Bernanke on the treason list down in Texas since you referred to Texas A&M as a "little brother" to those Tea-sippers down in Austin. After all, presidential candidate Rick Perry is a former yell leader at A&M (the Aggies don't have cheerleaders - they have yell leaders).
So be careful if you follow your Mountaineers down to TCU for a lacrosse match sometime (which is also quite a lengthy trip don't you think?)

Looking forward to seeing the U get the death penalty. Its about time my Mustangs had some company.

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