Friday, January 27, 2012

Unleash the Dragon

I'm feeling like such a failure right now, because I totally forgot to wish everyone a Happy Chinese New Year on Monday.

I know, I suck. Please forgive me.

But better late than never, I say. Actually, I don't, but for this post's sake I will.

According to the Chinese zodiac, this is the year of the dragon. And when I think of dragons, I immediately think of Sisqo.

What, you don't? Hmm, I guess we didn't all have crushes on that little blonde haired nugget.

Anyhoo, the Dragon is supposedly the most powerful and vital in the whole zodiac. So it would seem to me that the following year will be particularly successful for these five athletes born under this sign.



Oh Hines-zy (do you mind if I call you that?), you've already won a Disco Mirror Ball Trophy in Dancing With the Stars and some NFL accolades, including 2 Super Bowl Rings, 1 Super Bowl MVP award, 4 Pro-Bowl Nominations, and all sorts of receiving records. Plus, you seem to be a good person as well (besides that whole drunk driving thing). You might just be the ultimate dragon on this list, and I'm not sure how your life can get better in 2012. I'd say, aim for bagging a Miss America as a girlfriend and perhaps try to stay off the police radar. 


Lance, last year you were named the NL Comeback Player of the Year, and you won a World Series title with the St. Louis Cardinals. Clearly you didn't get the memo that THIS YEAR was to be your year. So....I dunno, maybe try getting a repeat Series title and finding a cure for cancer? 


Brad, you were also an overachiever in 2011. Not only did you help your team, the Boston Bruins, win a Stanley Cup, but you were named to "The 25 Most Stylish Bostonians" list. Actually, 2012 hasn't been good to you so far, as you were suspended five games on January 9th for what NHL Disciplinarian Brendan Shanahan termed a "predatory" clipping hit. Oops. The Bruins currently sit in first place in the Northeast division, though, so you can be well on your way to a repeat Cup title. Just try not to get any more misspelled tattoos, mmkay?


First of all, Brooks, thanks for being gorgeous. I've been a fan since your Stanford days. Although you were taken 10th overall in the 2008 draft, you've not received the accolades in the NBA that you were used to in college. However, last year your numbers went up dramatically due to the Nets trading for Deron Williams. The Nets are still dwindling near the bottom of the standings this year, so I'm not sure what to tell you. But hey, you've still got your looks!

and finally.....


What cruel-hearted person among you doesn't want to see Peyton have a comeback year? Poor Peyton....your injury kept you from playing this 2011 NFL season, causing your beloved Colts to finish a dismal 2-14 record. Now the team that you've led to a Super Bowl Championship and however many consecutive playoff appearances is talking about trading you, and it's almost a done deal that Indy will draft Stanford phenom QB Andrew Luck in this year's draft. But have no fear, your talent and charisma will most certainly guarantee you success wherever life may lead you. After all, you can always be a referee!

Images provided by technoratiaeryssportshockeyindependentnba, and vigilantsports.


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