Off The Grid

It's almost July fellow sports fans. This means that a) summer is half over b) the MLB All-Star break (and my favorite...the Home Run Derby) is just around the corner c) more importantly, my BIRTHDAY is just around the corner (fyi....I LOVE presents) and d) NFL training camps are getting ready to start.

Except, due to the whole lockout situation, "d" isn't happening. Honestly, I've tried to keep abreast of how negotiations are going, but it's hard. Mostly because it's kinda boring, but also because it seems to change as fast as Diddy's name (Is it D. Dirty Money now? Or Swag? I have no idea.).

What are you pointing at me for? Remembering your name is on you.

However, as I was perusing ESPN yesterday, I noticed a few articles that seemed to point toward some positive developments. For instance, Chris Mortensen reported that a four-day series of negotiations between the NFL owners and NFLPA representatives would be taking place in Minnesota this week. Analysts seem to think that the longevity of the scheduled talks indicates a strong desire between both parties to get the matter settled.

I, however, have some doubts. Does anyone else besides me have a faint suspicion this whole thing is just an elaborate excuse for these people to take an extended nationwide vacay? Minnesota will be the fifth spot to "host" negotiations, behind Chicago, Long Island, Maryland, and Massachussets. I mean, it's no trip to Hawaii....but still.

Meanwhile, Giant's QB Eli Manning (a.k.a. Peyton's little bro) was quoted as being "optimistic" that an agreement will soon be reached, allowing the NFL to have a season. The Manning brothers, often known for their outgoing personalities, have been relatively quiet during this break. It seems that (except for a short detour in filming a Directv promo), the Mannings are focusing on unofficial practices with their teammates.

I really hope the Colts' practices have looked like this:

But fear not! This lockout hasn't been just about boring off-site practices for everyone. Some pros have taken to more interesting avenues to keep themselves entertained. For instance, Arizona Cardinals player Darnell Dockett has been working on his creative writing and honing his skills for a future play-by-play job. Dockett, who recently got pulled over by police, tweeted the entire account to his followers.

P.S. He didn't get a ticket
P.P.S. Oprah would not approve.
P.P.P.S At least he wasn't doing this again.

Shakespeare was an absolute hustler, too

And let's not forget about those who are itching to give the Mannings a run for their money in the television exposure department. You might be seeing these players on a future episode of COPS:

1. Packers DT Johnny JollyJolly, who was suspended for the 2010 season stemming from an earlier charge, was arrested March 25 for allegedly possessing 600 grams of codeine syrup in his Cadillac Escalade.

2. Cowboys CB Bryan McCann
McCann was taken into a Dallas detox center after being cited for public intoxication.

3. Raiders OL Mario Henderson
Henderson was reportedly pulled over by police for having his music too loud. The Raiders' lineman was arrested for having a gun in his car and not having a concealed weapons permit.

4. Eagles OT Jason Peters
Peters was released after paying a reported $628 bond following his arrest in Shreveport, La., in late March. He was charged with violating the city's loud music policy and resisting arrest.

5.Vikings CB Chris Cook
Cook was arrested in early March for reportedly brandishing a gun during a verbal altercation with a neighbor.

6. Tampa Bay Buccaneers CB Aqib Talib
Talib surrendered to Texas police in late March on a warrant for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

7. Raiders WR Louis Murphy
Arrested in Florida for possession of Viagara without a prescription, resisting arrest without violence, and failure to obey an officer.

8. Chiefs LB Mike Vrabel
Arrested for felony theft at the Belterra Casino in Florence, Ind.

9. Titans WR Kenny Britt
Britt was charged with eluding a police officer, lying to an officer/hindering apprehension and obstructing governmental function.

10. Bronco RB Laurence Maroney
Charged with possession of marijuana.

11. Chargers LB Antwan Applewhite
Arrested for suspicion of DUI.

12. Bears RB Garrette Wolfe
Arrested for assaulting a police officer, resisting arrest with violence, retail theft and disorderly conduct.

13. Bucs CB Aqib Talib
Indicted in Dallas County, Texas, for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

14. Titans WR Kenny Britt - again!
Charged with obstructing the administration of the law, resisting arrest and tampering with or fabricating evidence after being stopped for suspicion of possession of marijuana.*

Apparently Roger Goodell has said that once the lockout is over, off-field matters will be dealt with as usual. Looks like the commish is going to have his hands full.

Maybe Peyton can put them all in a port-a-potty.

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Are you missing football as much as I am? Do you have any clue what's going on with the lockout negotiations? Does the fact that Darnell Dockett showered nude online for a mere $1000 make you pray that the negotiations are settled ASAP? Hit me up and let me know!

*list provided by http://forums.chargers.com/showthread.php?t=87899&page=5.
Images provided by (top to bottom) images.popsugar, assets.sbnation, and thefabempire.

"Pick Me Out a Winner, Bobby"

When I was a sophomore in college, I was required to take a Sports Sociology class as part of my major curriculum.

Apparently to the teacher, sports sociology = watching sports movies and writing reviews on them.

(Yes, I know you're jealous that I had a class where all I did was watch sports movies. Pick a better major next time, mmkay?)

During the course of the semester, we watched Hoosiers, Eight Men Out, Hoop Dreams, The Program, a documentary on Jerry Tarkanian at Fresno State called Between the Madness, and possibly Jerry Maguire (I honestly don't remember when and where I've watched Jerry Maguire, since I've seen it a lot. I figure it's a good bet I watched it in this class).

So the other day I happened to be playing a Sporcle game where you had to name the baseball movie by the screen capture. Two things you should know about this fact:

1. Sporcle is pretty much the most awesome website EVER. If you ever want to procrastinate at work, I recommend it (err....not that I do it, in case my boss happens to be reading this. Hi Monica! *waves*).
2. I missed a good five or six of the movies. That's pretty sad. (But to be fair, would any of YOU be able to guess Bang the Drum Slowly or 61? Shut up, you would not.)

This got me to thinking about great sports movies, and more importantly, what I consider to be a great sports movie. Clearly, judging by my Sporcle score, I haven't seen a whole lot of them. However, I do have a few that are my go-to classics.

Now, before I share my top five movies, let me preface the list with this disclaimer: The Natural, Bull Durham, A League of Their Own, Rocky, Major League, Rudy, Brian's Song, Seabiscuit, Remember the Titans, Slap Shot, Days of Thunder, and Field of Dreams....all those movies ranked constantly as the tops in sports films? Yeah, they didn't make my list. It's not to say that I haven't seen them (although, I haven't seen a bunch of those named...not gonna lie) or don't like them, it's just that I've picked out five movies that I can sit and watch again and again. Endurance is key.

OK....here goes:

#5.....The Cutting Edge.  Beautiful and snotty figure skater meets hottie injured hockey player. They hate each other, but you know it's just a matter of time before they hook up. And win the Olympics! (with the Pamchenko Twist, no less...although, let's be real....there's no way that move is anywhere close to being possible to do). Also? How much do the words "toe pick" seep into your brain after watching it?

#4....Love and Basketball. The hoops skillz! The soundtrack! Omar Epps's abs! Seriously, what's not to like in this awesome girl vs. boy love drama about making it as a cager? And those other basketball movies? They're no Spaulding.

#3....The Blind Side. There's a reason Sandra Bullock won the Best Actress Oscar for this movie. It's brilliant....and it's real life, no less. Plus....guys? Quinton Aaron, who played Michael Orr, made me cry in pretty much every scene. Even when he wasn't talking. He was that amazeballs.

#2....Bend it Like Beckham. Before they made it big as TV and movie stars, Parminder Nagra and Keira Knightley (respectively) were kicking it up as female footballers in this 2002 Indie flick. The cultural aspect (Indian girl going against her family's wishes), the friendship aspect (at one point Knightley's mother suspects them of having a lesbian relationship), and some good old fashioned soccer ridiculousness make this a must-see. It doesn't hurt that Jonathan Rhys Meyers and his hottie hot Irish accent also star in the film.

and finally.....

#1....Ice Castles. This is probably the first sports movie I ever saw, and I love it to this day. We owned it on a beta disc, and no lie... I wanted to BE Lynn-Holly Johnson (minus the whole blind part), date Robby Benson and skate around an ice rink to the Ice Castles theme getting flowers thrown at me. Who am I kidding...I still do.

*Honorable mentions go out to For the Love of the Game, D2: The Mighty Ducks, The Program, The Replacements, and Coach Carter.

So sports movie buffs....what films do you agree with me on? What are your fav sports films and why? Let me know!

Images provided by (from top to bottom) cupcakesandcashmere, 40inks, blogcdn, thecia, and cdn.sheknows.

Jagr Bomb

Over the past couple weeks or so, I've been hearing rumblings and grumblings about the possible return to the NHL by one Mr. Jaromir Jagr.

Jagr, who has spent the last three seasons playing in Russia's KHL (not to be confused with the KGB....`cause that would just be scary), has shown a great interest in getting back to his roots....namely with the team that launched his career- the Pittsburgh Penguins.

Can you imagine if this is what Jagr's agent was sending to NHL reps? He could play on any team, any position.



 While Jagr showed he still has talent (read: Vancouver Olympics circa 2010), we can't ignore the ginormous Czech-ered Elephant in the room:

The man is freaking Methuselah.

Ok, so 39 isn't that old in human years. But in hockey years, it's ancient. Or approaching ancient anyway.

When your hairdo has almost two decades on your former team's best player, it's probably time to give it up. Just saying.

History has not been kind to aging stars looking to make a comeback in the NHL. Just this past February, the great Peter Forsberg announced his return to the big ice stage. Forsberg's stint with the Colorado Avs had reporters touting him as hockey's Brett Favre.

Forsberg played exactly TWO games before announcing he was giving it up. Again.

And Forsberg was only 37.

Even if Jagr can get past the age issue, there's a little matter of his surly attitude and off-ice shenaningans to worry about. Is it really worth it to the Pens, Red Wings, or some other team to shell out precious payroll dollars on a guy who may or may not just be an aging headcase that once had a great career?

I'm gonna go with no. ( Then again, I may be a little biased because let's face it...Jagr didn't exactly burn up the ice while playing for my beloved Caps.)

But I'll say this....whether he brings back a blast from the NHL past and rocks it out... or bombs horribly....Jaromir Jagr will definitely have all eyes on him.

Especially the KGB's, `cause apparently they're still watching.
                                 
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So hockey fans, what's the deal? Should Jagr stage a comeback? If yes, do you think he'll last longer than 2 games? Hit me up and let me know!

Images provided by (top to bottom)  penguinslegends.blogspot, ukraineblogg, and penguinslegends.blogspot.

Where the Wild Things Are- A Father's Day Story

Baseball and Fathers.

They kinda go together like peas and carrots. Or Peanuts and Cracker Jacks.

Since its inception, baseball has been bringing dads and their offspring together- from playing catch in the backyard, to coaching Little League games, to hanging out in ball parks munching on hot dogs and singing Take Me Out to the Ball Game.

So when my friend Leah and I attended an Indie League Washington Wild Things game on Saturday evening in Washington, PA, it really wasn't a huge shock to see the copious amount of families in attendance.

As it happened, we ended up beside two fathers whose three young sons had commandeered the row behind us. Ranging in ages from 5ish to 8ish, these three Wild Things wasted no time in hijacking our attention from the action on the field.

"Let's each count down to see when the pitcher throws the ball," exclaimed one of the kids. "We'll see who gets the closest. Get it?"

I didn't. Neither did the other two kids.

(I think anyway. It's possible they did. Kids have their own odd way of getting other kids weird brain children).

"Five...four....three....two...one....one....one and three quarters....one and a quarter....ZERO".

The pitcher threw the ball about two seconds later. Oops.

The counting game ended about as quickly as it started when a run-down turned into a stare down between the base runner and the short stop.

"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" enthusiastically chanted the boys.

"HEY," said dad number one. "Stop being annoying."

Bursting into giggles, Leah and I gave up the pretense of following the game and focused our full attention on the shenanigans behind us. I also decided then and there I had to include them in a blog post.

During a half inning break, I scurried over to the dads.

"Hi! I write a sports blog and I was planning on doing a piece on this game," I said. "Your children have been really entertaining."

(Dad 1 and Dad 2 exchanged shaky chuckles and glances in a "oh good lord our children have been causing a scene and strangers have noticed" sort of way.)

"Can I have permission to use them in my blog? I promise I won't use their names."

With another quick glance, the dads agreed. As I asked the boys to pose for a picture, I nonchalantly questioned if the group was out for some sort of Father's Day celebration.

"No. It's BOYS NIGHT OUT," said Future SNLer boy, complete with gangsta-like hand gestures that are only cute and funny for children that age.

Leah and I were smitten.

"Is it wrong I already have a favorite?" Leah whispered to me.



Our New Friends



Ummm, probably.

Back on the field, a player from the opposing team hit a grand slam to bust the scoreless game wide open. This SHOULD have been the catalyst to pulling our attention back to what we actually came to do, which was watch a baseball game.

However, it was right around that time that we heard wild laughter coming from our Wild Things, closely followed by "Hey Dad! Look, it's the Millennium Falcon!".

It was a nacho chip with a bite taken out of it.



And the dads laughed just as hard as the boys.

The Wild Things on the field didn't end up winning the game. But watching our youngster Wild Things interact with each other and their fathers for nine innings was well worth the price of the admission.

Actually, the whole thing was pretty priceless.

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Have any nostalgic Father's Day sporting memories? Share them with me!

Also, Happy Father's Day to the two great dads I have in my life!

A Little Birdie Told Me.....

Today for my Fun Friday post I asked myself: What's more fun than Twitter right now?

Clearly Nothing. At least in my life. (Yes, I know. That's sad.)

So anyway, I have decided to review the sports week through hilarious tweets that I've stumbled across. Or hunted for diligently. Whatevs.

Hope you find the following as amusing as I did!

THE NBA FINALS

 Which is why the NHL is way better. Except for that whole rioting thing. That's not cool.

Some people just have to be the first at EVERYTHING. Also, Haters gonna Hate.

Hmm, somebody got a raw deal in here somewhere

No, seriously.....does it??

Because let's face it....short jokes never go out of style

The Happening still gives me nightmares. The acting in it, I mean.

You know DeShawn Stevenson has got the alcohol covered!


THE NHL FINALS

Optimism writes its own jokes

Sorry, Tim Thomas is too busy drinking out of the Stanley Cup and shining his Conn Smythe trophy to stop a riot.

Well, that's just mean



OTHER RANDOM SPORTS TWEETS

And I hadn't slept with half the women in North America

Amateurism....going pro since 1869

Nothing wrong with wanting to nap....nothing.

and finally....

Because that would be the most AWESOME.THING.EVER to see in Morgantown. And I've seen some pretty awesome things.

Hope everyone has a great weekend and a wonderful Father's Day! I'm hitting up a Washington Wild Things game tomorrow, so look for an blog post appearance on it next week!

Image provided by howtotweak.



Showdown at the Golden Corral

Today's blog post was going to be about hockey. Probably somewhere along the vein of Roberto Luongo's epic fail at goaltending in Game 6 (4 goals allowed within 4 minutes and 10 seconds) as it compared to LeBron's epic fail at playing basketball in pretty much the entire NBA Finals.

Side note: Poor LeBron. To me, he's a ginormous 12 year old basketball prodigy who I kinda want to pat on the head and tell him it will be OK, give him a lollipop, and assure him that maybe by the time he gets his driver's license, he'll also win a NBA title. Ya know?

But as I was perusing ESPN, I came across this gem of an article with a teasing headline insinuating Lance Armstrong and "former teammate-turned-Benedict Arnold" Tyler Hamilton had some sort of wild west showdown in a Colorado restaurant.

Honestly, the cut line was really intriguing, but I swear it has since disappeared from ESPN. Maybe it got put into the Disney Vault. 'Cause you know ESPN is owned by Disney. Speaking of, does anyone else really want to know where this so-called "Disney Vault" is as much as I do? I'm thinking it's buried under the Haunted Mansion.


Who let the mouse out of the vault????



 Anyhoo, I really DIDN'T want to write about another scandal/throwdown/feud in sports, but let's be real....it's interesting and so much fun to talk about. So let's get this party started!

Apparently the incident between Hamilton and Armstrong in the restaurant is being touted as possible witness tampering. Hamilton, who testified that he had seen Lance use performance-enhancing drugs, confessed to his lawyer that he was berated by the superstar cyclist.

Judging by the article, I imagine the conversation between the two went a little something like this:

(Hamilton enters the Golden Corral, sees Lance. OK, so it was a fancy bistro, but let's pretend it was a Golden Corral, mmmkay???)

Hamilton: "Uh.....hi Lance. How ya doing man?"

Armstrong: "Oh....hi. I've just been defending myself against more drug allegations. You know how that goes, right?"

Hamilton: "Well...ummm....I'm really sorry, but remember that time you shot up before the race? I had to tell the judge. I just HAD to."

Armstrong: "Oh really? And you just HAD to go on TV and tell CBS the same thing? Are they paying for your buffet dinner tonight?"

Hamilton: "Dude...not cool. I pay for my own buffets."

Armstrong: "Whatever. I gotta get back to my dinner. There's a train leaving Denver tonight. You better be on it....or ELSE."




"I mean it Hamilton. And stop copying my outfits."


OK, so it probably didn't go anything like that. In fact, according to eye witnesses, the two were cordial and the conversation lasted for only a few minutes.

So why, then, are Hamilton's lawyers making a big to-do about the encounter?

I mean, really...witness tampering? Yes, I get that Hamilton is a witness in an investigation starring Lance Armstrong, but it all seems a little too "Law and Order" for my taste.

Federal Prosecutor Richard Cutler was quoted as saying if the allegations by Hamilton are true, then this could be a "game changer". The game in reference, which also stars cyclists Floyd Landis and George Hincapie, is one I'm guessing that Lance Armstrong is pretty tired of playing.

Depending on how Game 7 goes in the Stanley Cup finals, we might be needing a LOT of group therapy for these beleaguered sports stars.

You think Mark Cuban will pay for that???

Are you tired of all these sports feuds? Or are they as magically delicious as the Mavericks' J.J. Barea? Hit me up and let me know what you think!

Images provided by (top to bottom) hangout.altsounds, allfreevectors, theipinionsjournal, and roadcycling.

Beating Around the Busch

What a crazy last few weeks it's been in the sporting world! It seems like we've all been living in Pee-Wee's Playhouse, and the secret word of the day is SCANDAL (AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH).

Before I go any further, did you know Laurence Fishburne was on Pee-Wee's Playhouse? And Phil Hartman? I think the not-so-secret word of the day should be "Whoa".

As I was saying (before I rudely interrupted myself), it's been one crazy breaking news story after another recently: USC officially stripped of their 2004 National Championship, Denver Post columnist and Around the Horn regular Woody Paige being accused of plagarism, Terrelle Pryor allegedly making major bank on his autograph, and the one not so dear, but very near to my heart....the WVU coaching debacle.

But the story that has really fascinated me in a "I'm not exactly sure what's going on but it seems really awesomely juicy" is the Richard Childress/Kyle Busch saga. NASCAR is already full of high octane speed and hot tempers, and Kyle Busch seems to be the king of both.




"I can do "punk" all by myself"

 Busch, already on probation for an incident that occurred in early May, was given a (literal) beat down by racing owner Childress after he tapped one of Childress's trucks (Joey Coulter's to be exact) during a cool down lap after a World Truck Series event two weeks ago. Busch was cleared of wrong doing in the altercation, while Childress was fined $150,000. The imbalance of punishment has gone unnoticed by few and highly debated by many.

Kyle Busch certainly won't be winning any congeniality awards in the near future. As one sports columnist put it, the driver is "like a two year old without adult supervision." But even with his bad reputation, he probably didn't deserve Childress's wrath. Maybe?

Or maybe not. Allegedly, Childress warned Busch after the Harvick incident in May that if he destroyed any more of their vehicles, he would hunt him down.

And hey, look at that! He did! I like a man who you can count on, ya know?

"It's not personal. It's business."

The more I read of the story, the more I seriously want Richard Childress as my body guard. Or my Godfather...making people offers they can't refuse (you think Kyle found a hacked up carborator in his bed?). Although Childress took responsibility for his actions, he didn't apologize for protecting his empire. Sure it's an empire of cars and trucks, but they are super EXPENSIVE cars and trucks, mmmkay?

Godfather Childress thinks that perhaps something good will be learned by both parties from the incident. I hope so too:

I hope that Childress will learn how to take care of business a little more discreetly, and that Kyle will learn to stop playing King of the Road if he doesn't want to keep getting beat up by a 65 year old.

Cause that's just embarrassing.

Weigh in ya'll! Was Childress wrong to avenge his vehicles' honor? Is Busch just an immature brat that needs to be put in time out? Let me know!

Images provided by (top to bottom) inquisitr and cmsimg.freep.

Hooked on a Feeling

I had no idea what I was going to write for today's blog. This was a little alarming considering it's my Friday Fun post, and I needed something FUN (for Friday). Then, on Tuesday, my friend Craig asked if I could blog about this ridiculous phenomenon called Noodling, which is basically sticking your hand into murky waters and hoping a catfish will try to swallow it. Or, as I like to call it, the sport of being really stupid.

Ummm, no.

Now, I am not an outdoorsy girl (I prefer the "outside", not the "outdoors"). I don't like to hike, bike, climb, repel, or basically do anything that involves me, bugs, and nature.

Except for one thing: Fishing.

I love to fish. I can stand out on a dock for hours on end. I can bait my own hook (and trust me, catching live shrimp in a bucket and putting them on a hook is no easy feat). It's a trait that's been passed to me from both sides of the family. I'm from a family of fisherpeople, if you will.

And like the people who "noodle", I've done some dumb stuff while doing it.

My first strong memory of fishing is going to this creek near Warrenton, VA with my grandmother and my cousin for a weekend of what I can only assume was bonding time. Clearly, this was in my stupid, younger days (I think I was no more than 8 maybe). As the cuz and I were wading through the creek with our poles, I spotted the lure my grandmother had gotten stuck in a tree over a year before and decided we needed to retrieve it.

"I'm going to go get it," I proclaimed.

"Um, ok." said cuz.

Yep, she was a big help.

So, with that affirmation, I swam across a creek filled with god-knows-what, climbed the tree and pulled the lure out.

I'm still really proud of this feat. And I'd never, ever, EVER in a million years do it again.

Well, maybe for money. Or free food.

I also fondly recall trying to catch a shark while fishing on the Tampa Bay (where same said grandmother owns a house). On this occasion, a sand shark happened to be swimming close to shore. I can't tell you how many hours we wasted trying to hook that thing. What we thought we'd do with a sand shark once we caught it, I have no idea. The mud suckers and catfish were problem enough.

Nowadays, my fishing activity is limited primarily to my aunt and uncle's dock at their Florida home. Although not quite as exciting as say, climbing trees in creeks or chasing after sharks, it's still my favorite thing to do when visiting them.

I think I love it so much because of the valuable life lessons it's taught me.....

                         like patience and perserverence......

The only damn fish I caught all...day....long. Also, let's not mention my hair. That's what happens when I'm in a humid environment.

                       and appreciating family togetherness.....

nothing says family like holding up fish

I look forward to the day that I have a little girl or boy to whom I can pass along the many joys of fishing. It really is a blessing to be bonded with family over such a fun and rewarding activity.

But if they try to noodle a fish, I'm disowning them.

Any other good fishing stories out there? Done anything remotely stupid while doing it? Let me know!

Noodling image provided by dumbweek.files.
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In other news, the 142nd running of the Belmont Stakes is tomorrow. Not only is this the last leg of the Triple Crown, but it's also the most grueling at a distance of 1 and 1/2 miles. Derby winner Animal Kingdom is already the 2-1 odds favorite, while Preakness winner Shackleford is sitting at 9-2 odds. Derby runner-up Nehro, who skipped the Preakness, is the second odds-on favorite at 4-1.

Although I'm not dedicating a whole post to this, I feel it's my obligation to pick the winner. I'm going to (once again) give the edge to Animal Kingdom. He almost caught Shackleford at the wire in the Preakness, which leads me to believe that a) Animal Kingdom does better at longer distances and b) Shackleford does better at shorter distances.

I've called the last two wrong, though, so don't take my word for anything. In any case, the race should be amazing as the top seven finishers in the Derby are all racing this weekend.

See ya at the finish line!

Conquering My Everest: The NBA Finals Story

Sometimes in life we need to set lofty goals for ourselves, no matter how painful or excruciating the process might be to achieve them.

So Monday evening I made myself sit down to watch game 3 of the NBA finals.



Oh, I'm glad it's over too.



Ahh, the NBA. By now you all know of my hate affair with the National Basketball League. I don't get it, and frankly, I'm bored watching it. But you sports fans out there seem to love it, so I thought I'd give it a try. Resignedly, and with notepad (read: piece of aqua card stock) in hand, I plopped down on the couch.

I'd like to sit here and tell you that at game's end, I was a converted fan. I'd like to tell you that the notes I took were insightful, brilliant, and worthy of the Nobel Prize in NBA journalism (if they gave such an award). I'd like to tell you that these notes have inspired a piece like no other down below.

I'd also like to tell you that I won millions of dollars, am sending each one of you a million, and am moving to some tropical island.

I think you see where I'm going with this.

So, my NBA fanatics, here was my journey (in note form) through an NBA finals game. It's a little scary, and not at all coherent. Godspeed.

Quarter One:

I manage to flip on the TV on at 8 o'clock, just in time for the National Anthem. I didn't quite see the beginning minutes, as I was finishing off Monday's blog piece on Buster Posey, but I look up just in time to see Chris Bosh hit the floor after taking a ball to the face. Alright! Maybe this game will be good after all????

As a mental test for myself, I immediately write down the players I knew were in the game:

• LeBron James
• Dwayne Wade
• Dirk Nowitski
• ???????????????

Oh. Dear. God. This can't be good.

During this complete fail, I hear a clip of Nowitski speaking. Is he Russian? My friend Gini loves Russians! I google him to see. Nope, German. Bummer. Wait, why is Lebron the only player wearing a headband? Did these go out of style? Did anyone let John Flowers know? (TV flashes to Mavericks player wearing headband). Oh, ok, never mind.

Mario Chalmers hits a 3 pointer (which wasn't, and then was, and then wasn't, and then was a back court violation) to end the quarter. Taking this opportunity to peruse my twitter account, I come across this gem by ESPN:

I immediately have Twitter envy at how witty ESPN is, thus sinking me into a greater depression before the 2nd quarter even starts.

Quarter Two:

Quick question: Does anyone else think that if John Leguizamo and Apolo Ohno had a love child, it would be Heat head coach Erik Spoelstra? No? Just me?



He gets his sexiness from Leguizamo

 Mario Chalmers hits another 3. Kid is on FI-YAH! The Heat have taken a double-digit lead. YAWN.
OOOOH, WAIT. Udonis Haslem's about to throw down like it's his job. You know, besides this whole NBA thing. Will he...WILL HE....no. (I momentarily forget this isn't hockey, and Latrell Sprewell isn't playing).

Hmm...isn't this Chris Bosh supposed to be good? I'm not seeing it. Quick Twitter check to see what's what:

I'll give you the cheekbones, but that cool demeanor isn't buying him any shots, now is it?

Speaking of not making shots, the Heat are allowing the Mavericks to get back in the game. Is this their M.O.? Blowing it at the end of the half?

YIKES. Dwayne Wade and Jason Kidd collide on a Kidd three-point attempt. Wade takes out the old guy in the front row of the court side seats. DOUBLE YIKES. That's what you get for trying to showboat, old man.

Dwayne tries to make up for sending Kidd to the line by heaving up a buzzer bomber ala Chalmers, but it bounces out. Oh Dwayne, just be content to be awesome in other ways, ok?

Half Time: The Heat are leading 47-42, which seems a little odd considering the way they're slaughtering Nowitski and Co. with dunks and treys.

I'm fascinated by the GINORMOUS screen on the front of the American Airlines Center. Does that really exist? And show the game? I think they can see that from outer space.

Quarter Three:The Heat are pretty much picking up the way they played most of the first half. Wade can do no wrong. The lead is now back to double digits, highlighted by another LeBron dunk. Oh hi, Lebron! I forgot you were playing.

Quick little side note: Did you know that the locals in Arlington refuse to call the Mavericks "Mavs"? I was told that it was quite the ado when the professional team came in and "stole" the nickname of local university UT-Arlington. Don't mess with Texas.

I think I decide to root for Dallas, just to give myself some emotional connection to this game (sorrow, disappointment) You know, it IS nice to see Jason Kidd still playing, though. He's so old school (literally). Right, Twitter?

Well played, Andy Haynes. Well played.

(Mid) Quarter Four:
So, I may or may not have missed the end of the third and the beginning of the fourth. Bubble baths take priority, ya'll.

Hold up....why is this game so close? I thought Miami would be halfway to Denny's by now to celebrate (because when I think of Miami, I immediately think of Denny's Moon over My Hammy. Yummm). Are the Heat really that self-imploding? They are obviously the much better team.

Chalmers hits his fourth three.

Dirk ties the game up with less than 2 minutes on the clock. This may or may not have been with some referee assistance. Ah well... C'est La Vie!

Nowitski and Wade are just trading shots now. Ohhh, and Chris Bosh decides to join the party to give the Heat a 88-86 lead. Is Miami SERIOUSLY going to lose ala Game 2? (Yes, I know what happened in game two. It shocks me as much as you.) Will they?

Final: Heat-88, Mavericks- 86
No, they didn't. The ending was certainly exciting, but not exciting enough to get me to tune into Game 4. Or Game 5. (Or Game 6, but possibly game 7 because I'm not THAT dumb).

I hope this read wasn't as painful for you as it was for me (especially since after writing it the first time, my internet went out before saving most of the post, causing me to have to write it AGAIN). Perhaps you laughed. Perhaps you cried. Whatever you did, I look forward to hearing your comments and seeing you on the flip side for my Friday Funday post!

Images provided by (top to bottom) media.naplesnews.com, iwatchstuff.com, vegasnews.com, zimbio.

Much love and peace,

Get Out of My Way (or I'll Buster Posey you)

At a family barbecue this past weekend, it came to my attention that perhaps I need to be more well-rounded in my blog topics.

"Is your blog just about football? WVU football?" asked one relative.

"Umm, no. You see...it's hard...with NHL winding down...Orioles suck...I hate the NBA..." I stuttered.

"Oh, well how about writing on cycling? or curling?" asked another. (yes, curling...I don't know).

"Uhhhhh...." (It amazes me how articulate I can be sometimes).



This picture was captioned as "Curling brings out the worst in humanity"....Seriously? Who knew!!



Anyway, as I left that evening, I realized that I DO need to be more diverse in my subjects. If I was making a concerted effort, I could be bringing you soccer coverage, or perhaps a piece on the newly completed French Open. So, with a hung head, I make a solemn vow to you, my beloved blog readers, that I will try and apply my wit and astute observations to the multitude that is the sporting world.

But, today is not that day. Today you're getting baseball. Again. Deal with it! (I should also learn to be nicer to my readers. Do they do HR training for this sort of thing?)

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I don't know how many of you have been following the debacle between SF Giant's catcher Buster Posey and Florida Marlins OF Scott Cousins, but this saga is getting bigger than Twilight ya'll. Cousins, who broke Posey's leg during a plate collision on May 25th, is facing wrath like no other. San Fran's GM Brian Sabean has been quoted as saying if Cousins "doesn't play another game in the Big Leagues, I think we'll all be happy." 

Perhaps not quite as harsh, but just as blaming, was 4 time Golden Glover Mike Matheny's comment, which stated that although Cousins didn't "technically" do something dirty, he was definitely "hunting" to take Posey out.



Yeah, that's gotta hurt



Ok, I'm against unnecessary violence, but you gotta feel for this poor kid (Cousins, not Posey. Although, I feel for Posey too. A lot of feeling going on here). He's a reserve player struggling to keep a roster spot in the Bigs, and I'm guessing he just went a little too wild on what he saw as a chance to score the winning run. The play is so chaotic (long throw to the plate, Posey looking for the ball, Cousins running full steam), that it seems a little unfair to judge what he was thinking at that moment.

And now Cousins is getting death threats. Ummm... really? Posey put himself in a situation that he knew could potentially result in injury. Cousins' play was legal in the context of the game. Bad things happen during sporting events. Can't we get a little forgiveness? Try a little tenderness?

Like Obama said, I have the audacity of hope. Here's hoping that Posey, although out for the rest of the season, will have a full recovery and come back stronger than ever next year. Here's hoping that Cousins will learn and live to play another game. And here's hoping someone FINALLY gave Brian Sabean his anti- grumpy pills.

So tell me what you think. Was Cousins ridin' dirty? Should Posey have been smart enough to not be out in front of the plate? Let me know!

Images provided by (top to bottom) manhattaninfidel.com and nydailynews.com.

Make sure you tune in Wednesday when I tackle my nemesis the N...B...A. It's going to be epic. Or a complete disaster. Either way, should be a good read!

Football Fashion Police

So, I've decided that Fridays on my blog are going to be heretofore known as "Fun Fridays". After last week's success, I realized I enjoy being super lazy and really just don't want to put in effort of researching for a blog post going into the weekend. Ergo, I will be writing about things that still are sport-related, but probably not relevant to any sort of current topic. I hope you all support me in this tough decision.

Anyway, in honor of my awesomely fashionable and new blog re-design*, I thought I'd dedicate this post to the fashion do's and don'ts that is college football uniforms (Yes, Nike...I'm talking mostly to you). I know there have been many articles done on this, but not by me. And that's what counts.

If your school is marked as a fashion don't, I'm sorry. Don't hate! Just get better uniforms, mmmkay?

Do keep it simple.

Example: Penn State. Classic Navy and White, basic numbers, lone stripe on helmet...all showcase the athlete's "assets" without any extra fuss.


DON'T play around with weird, asymetrical color blocking.



Example: Virginia Tech and Florida. Orange in general isn't flattering on most people. But when you smear it down one arm, it makes your players look like they entered a fight with Chester Cheetah....and lost miserably.

DO go bold once in a while, though.

Example: WVU. Ok, so maybe I'm a bit biased. But Nike's Pro Combat uniform last year for the Mountaineers was freaking awesome. The undersleeves make them look a little rough and dirty (and I like my players how I like my men....errr, don't forget to tip your waiters at the door!).

But yes, I could do without the gold shoes...it gets me all confused thinking there's a penalty flag on every down.

DON'T confuse your fans by throwing in a random color.

Example: Notre Dame. So ummm.....Your colors are blue and gold right? Then what's up with the  green jersey? To me, it makes more sense for you to be green (hello, Fighting Irish), but I'm not here to make that decision. I'm just here to tell you to pick a color and STICK WITH IT.

DON'T foray TOO far into the fashion world.

Example: Alabama. Look, I get that you (ie Nike) wanted to pay homage to the great Bear Bryant (who I assume wore a lot of houndstooth?). But a) it just makes your numbers look smudgy (and not in the good "rough and dirty way"). Plus, houndstooth on a football uni is just weird. Let's throw in a glen plaid and a polka dot while we're at it!

and finally,

DO take advantage of the fact that your big time alum happens to own a major athletic apparel company.

Example: Oregon. These kids must have lockers the size of Paris Hilton's closet. A uniform combo for every day of the week, plus one for special holidays! Love 'em or hate 'em, the Ducks definitely benefit from connections in high places. And let's be real...feathers are awesome!

So fellow football fashionistas....let me know what you think about my critique. Do you want to defend your team's hideous choices? Did I miss anyone (either good or bad)? Holla at me!

Images were provided by (top to bottom): Penn Live, fansonly.com, Bleacher Report, Bleacher Report, hondajvx.files.wordpress.com, Bleacher Report, nikeblog.com, and sportsgrid.com.

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Much love, thanks and appreciation to Diana at Custom Blog Designs for creating my fabulous new re-design. So easy to work with, great prices, and quick like a bunny! I definitely recommend to anyone looking for an update!

Walking the (straight) Line

This is a post about college head coaches.

This is not a post about Jim Tressel.

I personally don't care about Jim Tressel, other than to say if the man is smart enough to consistently field high talent teams, then he should be smart enough not to lie about his players shenanigans. Cause...duh, someone is going to find out eventually.

Ok, so this post is a little about Jim Tressel. But it's mostly about coaches being the public figure of the programs (and by correlation, the universities) that they represent. Fair or unfair, a big paycheck comes with two main responsibilities...win games and keep your image clean in the press. Unless you're Bob Knight...and even that can only take you so far.



I told you not to bring my name up. Don't make me throw a chair at you.

 Although not yet a head coach, Dana Holgorsen is finding out the hard way about this unspoken rule already. WVU's "head coach in waiting" caused quite a stir last week when it was reported that he had to be escorted out of a casino in Nitro, WV for drunken and disorderly behavior.

I personally was amazed and appalled to read this. My first thought was, who put a casino in Nitro, WV (appallment)??? My second was, "oh, so he really wants to fit in at WVU (aka number one party school in America)...good for him for being a go-getter (amazement)." And my third was....no, that was basically it.

Which probably will make some people question my morality as it comes to appropriate coaching conduct.

The truth is, yes....the man whose face is already becoming synonymous with Mountaineer football isn't winning himself any kudos by earning a reputation as a drunk and a rebel rouser. Especially since his controversial hiring had already created a divide between the WVU faithful. But in my "let's be real" statement of the day, do we not already have a head coach who has a somewhat questionable background?  And let's not forget a certain ex-head coach, who wasn't exactly a Pollyanna in his time in Morgantown (rumors of a pregnant cheerleader, anyone?)

Before you get all "but just because the other kids do it, doesn't make it right" on me, I'll say this: I believe the University and AD Oliver Luck have dealt with the situation as best as they should. Statements were issued in a timely manner reprimanding Holgorsen, who in turn issued his own mea culpa.

Head coaches (and their players) are entitled to a personal life. But, right or wrong, they've got to remember that they can't go around getting drunk as a skunk anytime they please. Big Brother is always watching.


I promise not to get caught on tape drinking again!

 So, here's hoping that Holgorsen has learned his lesson. At the very least, here's hoping he picks a better place to get thrown out of than a Nitro, WV casino.

Images were provided by (from top to bottom) midwestsportsfans and post-gazette.
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So what do you think sports fans? Should Holgorsen be given another chance? Or is it time to strap him to a burning couch and let the chips fall where they may? Let me know!