Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Showdown at the Golden Corral

Today's blog post was going to be about hockey. Probably somewhere along the vein of Roberto Luongo's epic fail at goaltending in Game 6 (4 goals allowed within 4 minutes and 10 seconds) as it compared to LeBron's epic fail at playing basketball in pretty much the entire NBA Finals.

Side note: Poor LeBron. To me, he's a ginormous 12 year old basketball prodigy who I kinda want to pat on the head and tell him it will be OK, give him a lollipop, and assure him that maybe by the time he gets his driver's license, he'll also win a NBA title. Ya know?

But as I was perusing ESPN, I came across this gem of an article with a teasing headline insinuating Lance Armstrong and "former teammate-turned-Benedict Arnold" Tyler Hamilton had some sort of wild west showdown in a Colorado restaurant.

Honestly, the cut line was really intriguing, but I swear it has since disappeared from ESPN. Maybe it got put into the Disney Vault. 'Cause you know ESPN is owned by Disney. Speaking of, does anyone else really want to know where this so-called "Disney Vault" is as much as I do? I'm thinking it's buried under the Haunted Mansion.

Who let the mouse out of the vault????

 Anyhoo, I really DIDN'T want to write about another scandal/throwdown/feud in sports, but let's be's interesting and so much fun to talk about. So let's get this party started!

Apparently the incident between Hamilton and Armstrong in the restaurant is being touted as possible witness tampering. Hamilton, who testified that he had seen Lance use performance-enhancing drugs, confessed to his lawyer that he was berated by the superstar cyclist.

Judging by the article, I imagine the conversation between the two went a little something like this:

(Hamilton enters the Golden Corral, sees Lance. OK, so it was a fancy bistro, but let's pretend it was a Golden Corral, mmmkay???)

Hamilton: "Uh.....hi Lance. How ya doing man?"

Armstrong: "Oh....hi. I've just been defending myself against more drug allegations. You know how that goes, right?"

Hamilton: "Well...ummm....I'm really sorry, but remember that time you shot up before the race? I had to tell the judge. I just HAD to."

Armstrong: "Oh really? And you just HAD to go on TV and tell CBS the same thing? Are they paying for your buffet dinner tonight?"

Hamilton: "Dude...not cool. I pay for my own buffets."

Armstrong: "Whatever. I gotta get back to my dinner. There's a train leaving Denver tonight. You better be on it....or ELSE."

"I mean it Hamilton. And stop copying my outfits."

OK, so it probably didn't go anything like that. In fact, according to eye witnesses, the two were cordial and the conversation lasted for only a few minutes.

So why, then, are Hamilton's lawyers making a big to-do about the encounter?

I mean, really...witness tampering? Yes, I get that Hamilton is a witness in an investigation starring Lance Armstrong, but it all seems a little too "Law and Order" for my taste.

Federal Prosecutor Richard Cutler was quoted as saying if the allegations by Hamilton are true, then this could be a "game changer". The game in reference, which also stars cyclists Floyd Landis and George Hincapie, is one I'm guessing that Lance Armstrong is pretty tired of playing.

Depending on how Game 7 goes in the Stanley Cup finals, we might be needing a LOT of group therapy for these beleaguered sports stars.

You think Mark Cuban will pay for that???

Are you tired of all these sports feuds? Or are they as magically delicious as the Mavericks' J.J. Barea? Hit me up and let me know what you think!

Images provided by (top to bottom) hangout.altsounds, allfreevectors, theipinionsjournal, and roadcycling.


Kristin @ What She Said said...

OK, so I was all, "Really? Lance Armstrong eats at the Golden Corral? REALLY?"

I scanned back up, perused the post to see where you first mentioned this, clicked on the link to read more about Lance Armstrong at the Golden Corral and... realized you were using hyperbole. Damn. 'Cuz that whole story would've been SO much more interesting had it actually taken place at the Golden Corral.

As it is, all I have to say is this: Oh, the drama!

The Sports-O-Nista said...

In my mind, it WAS a Golden Corral. It makes the story so much better.

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